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NEW! Tour of Newcastle

I Love Your Guts song

Fred Comic

Xmas with the Freds

Fred Trading Cards

Fred Fanclub movie

Bumper Book of Fred Mums

Wife Beating Tips

Little Lord Frankelroy

Gallery of Photoshoppery

Tour of London

Under Pressure - The Music Video

The Fred Recruitment Film

The Herman Promotional Movie

Be-Yourselfers - We Want You Promotional Film

The Audio Diaries of a Fred Priest

The Lord Charles Herman Archive

 

  For far too long has the Herman Penthouse remained inhabited by flap-cocked pygmy Freds, chattering like hairless chimpanzees insane for the suckle of a mother's teat.

Dear Hermans, we have reclaimed our Penthouse from the Freds. The clean up will not be easy, but we must develop nerves of steel and stomachs of iron in the days to come.

No longer shall we feign nonchalance. No longer shall we stand by as the Freds mock and gloat. We have recently lost several members. To this, we say 'So?'

The chaff has been sifted, the roster of the Herman Nation trimmed until only the elite remain. We are hungry for the fight. The Freds have grown lazy, tired, and blasé. They gorge themselves upon the delicate bones of bats and mice, hidden in the foul darkness of their lair.

We have, of late, faced accusations of fascism and war-mongering. But we do not copy the armies of old. Not for us the extermination of our enemy; that is the way of the Fred.

Instead we carry the flame-throwers of humour, the rifles of wit, the daggers of satire. These are our weapons in the days ahead. Let them continue with their attempts at infiltration; we care not. Their spies will be unmasked and sent home, left to the less than tender mercies of the enemy. Hairless, chained, mewling in the dark, they shall come to regret betrayal.

For some time, the Herman name has been epitomised by sloth and redundancy. No longer. The Herman Nation is on the rise.

Martial Law, 14th July 2005.